Mayhem At Macy’s

I just had a daydream nightmare. I dreamt that I was inspired to go to Macy’s to leave money for an unsuspecting shopper.

Actually you know what? Forget the Wizard of Oz tale. Truth be told, I just went into Macy’s like a dope on one of the busiest two shopping days of the year and got blindsided by the amount of people and festive decorations hanging from every single surface imaginable. If you want to OD on Christmas cheer to the point that you blackout and start asking people to sit on your lap, then go to Macy’s on 34th Street in Midtown the week before Christmas. Good God, I’m just starting to catch my breath from all the anxiety. I don’t even HAVE anxiety, but you can’t not get an anxious feeling being around that much kinetic energy. It’s impossible. So here’s what I did to calm down myself and one lucky person who’s going to find this treat and know that they’re being taken care of.

First of all, the escalator? Are you kidding? Don’t look down. THIS is what you’ll see.


I was really looking for the men’s section, but I don’t know if it existed or if I was in the right area or dimension, so I just got off here because I’m obsessed with the number 5.


I happened to be on a woman’s floor, even though to be honest, I think I was in the women’s Macy’s. If you want to see how female-centric retail shopping is, come to this store. There’s 6 floors of women’s clothing in every style, brand, color, size, shape, etc. I heard that there’s a corner devoted to men’s clothing here that has 3 packs of underwear and a bathrobe, but nobody has ever seen it.

Unfortunately I had to do my drop on a rather unattractive pair of black jeans, but that’s because every other area was flooded with people, and you know how I feel about getting caught. So I found a nice rack that was being totally neglected and I thought “This is perfect”. I set my sights on my target and zeroed in for the kill.



$54? How about we make it $49?



BAM!! Discount will be taken off at the register! I hope this little find of yours eased the pain of last minute holiday shopping. Don’t forget to pay it forward! Or at least go outside and check out the Macy’s windows. Between you and me, watching the windows at Macy’s isn’t HALF as fun as watching the kids watch the windows at Macy’s. The look of magic in their eye is enough to make you believe in Santa Claus all over again.



2 thoughts on “Mayhem At Macy’s

  1. I Love this one!!! Made me smile….

  2. SWEET, I totally understand how you feel! I like the idea the the dude who is buying that get a near 10% discount! EXCITING! CHEERS Happy Holidays!!

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